Tender Mercies

It's amazing how well the Lord knows me and my needs. Today when I was feeling so sad and feeling that I couldn't be loved, He sent the most tender mercy to me. 

As I was crying and felt that I couldn't be happy, I looked down into my arms to see the biggest smile on my Anna's face. At that moment I knew that she loved me, that my family loved me, and more than anything that the Lord loved me too. 

I'm so grateful for the gospel, I seriously don't know what I would do without it in my life.

Change

Usually I am an advocate for change. I like trying new things, I like going out of my comfort zone, I like fresh new ideas that help me change as a person for the better. I accept change with open arms and do my best to acclimate. But this change I don't like so much.

Last year when I left Westmore Elementary I was planning on a full time position with partial insurance benefits. I knew full time would be so hard especially with Anna but I was prepared to do the job. I was planning on that money to put away in savings since our savings account is virtually depleted. The day Anna was born I found out I would have to stick with part time hours, and part of me was so grateful! I knew full time would have just been too hard. This change was welcomed. My boss told me I could work afternoon hours on this part time schedule and that came as an even greater blessing to me.

Well it was getting to be the middle of August and I hadn't heard from my boss about my hours yet. So I called him. Turns out if I worked in the afternoon I would only get 5 hours per week, and well, the time to get Anna to grandmas was more than the working part, thus the job wasn't worth the money or the time. Morning hours of course were available and for 12 hours per week which was a little more worth while. So I took the hours quickly, to secure my job. But I didn't really take the time to think it through. This change is one I don't like.

Afterall, mornings with my girl are my most coveted hours of the day. I would give anything to be with her when she wakes up to stretch out for the day and take in the beauty around her.

I thought I would be alright, I really thought I would be fine. But yesterday I had faculty meeting for the first time and I was not fine. I didn't want to be there, I didn't even care. (Not the greatest attitude on the first day of work.) To my dismay, another change that I don't like was made known to me at that meeting as well. My teaching method will be going back to the group work that I tried last year which completely failed. The group setting was not a good thing for me and I hated my job during that time. And now I find out group teaching is what is expected of me again. I really don't know if I can do this.

First off, I don't want to be there at all, and second I now have to teach in a setting that I really don't like. (Good thing I didn't stay in the program huh? How would I have ever handled a whole classroom?)

Yesterday I made it all day without a single tear, to my amazement. I guess the tears were saving up for today. As I got my beauty out of her crib this morning and held her in my arms and watched her, my sadness of having to leave her overwhelmed me. I just want to be with her so badly. I don't want to teach other students. I don't want to leave her. And now it seems that I have no choice. School starts tomorrow and I am bound until May.

Looking back on the decisions I made, I wish I would have thought about them for longer. I wish I would have really taken the time to explore what my heart really wanted and what our family could handle financially. I wish I could call my boss today and tell him I was very sorry but I couldn't take the job after all. I wish I was putting up flyers for violin lessons and starting my own studio instead. I wish many things concerning this job, but I guess wishing is just that-it won't get me anywhere.

So what does a girl do? I know I shouldn't even be complaining in the first place because I am blessed enough to only be committed to 12 hours a week. There are so many moms that have to work full time and I honestly don't know how they do it and I admire them for their strength. But it's still so hard to be happy when I know my joy is at home.

Thanks for reading and if you made it to the end, you deserve a treat. Here's to changing my attitude and to, hopefully, a great school year!

New Adventures

Anna's birth has given me a reason for reflection each day about the person I am and the person I want to be. I have decided that I know how to do lots of things but there are lots of things I don't know how to do that a mom needs to know. In trying to decide how I'm going to aquire all of these missing skills and talents I felt very overwhelmed, like I just couldn't do it. Being a mom is harder than you think! Thankfully though, Josh reminded me of the many things I do well and that I have time to learn to do others. I have to remind myself that I can't always compare myself and get down about things. So I'm going to try new things one step at a time.

Last night for dinner I made pizza. Homemade pizza for the first time by myself. Homemade pizza that had whole wheat, yes whole wheat, crust. I was nervous. I was afraid. But I forged ahead and made the whole thing. I just kept my fingers crossed that Josh would eat it and it wouldn't be terrible. I guess my hard work paid off, and the amazing wheat dough recipe that I found here, helped quite a bit too.  

Here is our pizza showing our respective halves- mine is the one with all of the delicious veggies on it. Josh actually said it was delicious, went back for seconds and after dinner packed up a lunch for Monday of the left overs. I guess I did a pretty good job!

After a delicious victory like this...

....I am ready to take on something else. Crafts maybe?
Just maybe I will sign up for a Super Saturday project.
Stay tuned to find out what the next adventure will be.
Happy Sunday and thanks for reading!

Rainy Days, Lunch Dates, and Saturday Afternoons

The end of summer is drawing near and I'm quite sad about it. Although my days of playing at home are almost over the last few days have been grand.

On Thursday Anna and I were greeted by a cold summer rainstorm. The thunder crashed, the lightning struck, and we were in our cozy warm house. We dared to brave the weather and peek outside to view the glorious world around us.

And although it was beautiful and the rain smelled so sweet, we weren't ready to face the day outdoors. Anna napped in her bouncer seat, I folded some laundry (exciting I know!) after which I spent some time reading my favorite mag.

Our day was lazy and wonderful and spent exactly as I wanted, together. Friday brought with it new adventure of fun with friends. Momma Brittany and baby Kamryn met us for our very first lunch date!

We are so glad to have such great friends that we can go out with. Kamryn is so darling and just 2 1/2 months older than Anna. We have decided to have play dates a couple times a month. Perfect way for mommas to get adult time and girlies to make a best friend.

Anyway, Cafe Zupas was our destination because I absolutely love their food. I ordered my usual which is half a raspberry salad and a half order of mushroom bisque soup. I had to showcase these lovely foods because they are so completely delicious. Is your mouth watering yet?

And I had a splendid day with my darling...Anna I love you!

Our lovely weekend ended with a lazy Saturday which included playing on the floor with our lovely. Hope your weekend was as great as mine was!

Mondays

I used to dread Monday mornings and I will probably dread them once again when I start work next week. But for right now, I'm loving Monday mornings and this is why...

Josh and I had a fun night on Saturday when we made brownies and had ice cream, it was delicious and a very good time together especially because we decided not to clean up. I also had this waiting for me on Monday morning along with an entire house to get cleaned up, but I don't mind.

And I don't mind because this is what I have to look forward to every morning. A darling little girl that drools all over when she sleeps just like her mom.

A little girl who loves to squirm around and stretch out when she gets up in the morning, and doesn't like her picture taken. (Do you like her elf ears?)

And after she stretches out and has her breakfast bottle, we get her in the tub- which she loves (although her face doesn't show it in this picture, we haven't gotten smiling down quite yet.)

When we get out of the tub we get lotioned up and dressed in a cute outfit and head right back to sleep for a morning nap in the bouncer chair.

Monday is awesome!

Tommy & Sophie Clark

Last Saturday my sister Sophie got married to her prince charming Tommy in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple for time and all eternity. Their sealing was absolutely beautiful and they looked like royalty. I wish I could have taken a picture of them in the temple because words cannot describe the happiness they exuded to everyone in attendance. We didn't get very many great pictures of them outside the temple but we did get a pretty cute one- isn't her dress gorgeous? When she crouched down to see a guest her dress puffed up and looked just like a sparkly cupcake.

After the temple ceremony we headed to the reception center to set up. I felt that I didn't do much to help but I was the errand runner so I spent most of my time in the car. It was so fun to see how Sophie and Tommy interacted with each other. They were on cloud 9 all day long. That new love is completely amazing and I was jealous for a split second because that new infectious love tends to wear off after a bit. This picture just shows the happiness on their faces and I love it :)

And lastly, every couple needs a paparazzi shot. I especially love mine and their paparazzi shot is great too.

 

Tommy and Sophie Clark

Est. August 7 2010

Congratulations! We love you guys!

Heartache

I never knew heartache until I became a mom, and my Anna bug is only 1 month old.

This last weekend was my sister's wedding and I was a little stressed out trying to get everything ready. On top of that, Anna had been throwing up all week long because of a formula we tried. Wedding + no sleep = one unhappy momma. Anyway....outside of the temple it was so crazy because there were brides everywhere. When Tommy and Sophie finally arrived we were all whisked away to take pictures. With so many people pictures took about 30 minutes. The day was exactly as Sophie had hoped, overcast with no rain and a slight breeze. These conditions made taking pictures quite enjoyable. But not for my Anna. My mind was so preoccupied with making sure everything was taken care of for the wedding so my sister could have her perfect day I didn't think to cover Anna for the time we were outside. Here is where the heartache part comes in...

About 24 hours after the picture taking, Anna had a bright red face and blisters on one half of her face. That's right, my little one got very badly sunburned and it was totally preventable. My mom kept her for the night on Sunday so Josh and I could get some much needed sleep and when I came to pick her up this morning I completely broke down and fell apart. Her face looked like it hurt so bad and I just felt terrible. I know what a sunburn feels like, believe me and it's not fun. And now my little bug had a bad sunburn and I felt like it was all my fault. It's just heartbreaking when she screams in pain because I have to clean her blisters and she can't get comfortable enough to sleep. I felt like I shouldn't have been given the responsibility to be her mom and take care of her because it felt like I had failed completely. First we were on a formula that made her sick for an entire week and then she gets sunburned. Thankfully my wonderful mother has been taking care of me and Anna today because we are both a mess. I seriously don't know what I would do without the remarkable woman I call my mother. And hopefully Anna can say the same thing about me some day.

Darling post about my lovely sister's wedding to come, with pictures even! Get excited :)

Mornings

I love slow mornings.
I love waking up to feed my darling and snuggling her right back to sleep in my arms.
I love laying her in our bed in the early morning light to marvel at her beauty.
I love taking in her sweet smell as I hold her close and feel her breathe.
And I'm cherishing every moment because soon enough she won't be my little sleeping beauty, she will be my grown up princess.
Being a mom is the greatest thing in the world!